promises to yourself

Last spring three people I knew, people my age, died. One died of a heart attack and the other two of melanoma. All of them were too young.

I kept telling myself that I would, and could, lose weight in order to look and feel the way I wanted to but I never really started. I earned my master’s degree, I pushed myself in my career, I started new hobbies, I had a vbac. I did other things that required strength and perseverance, but I didn’t lose weight.

When those deaths occurred last spring I took it as a wake-up call. It’s not that their diets necessarily contributed to their deaths but the idea that there could have been things left undone or unsaid. The idea that I could leave something left undone. And so I decided to stop putting off the one thing I’d left undone. The thing that made me feel like I wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t tough enough, didn’t have the stamina to see myself through to the beginning of a goal, never mind the finish line.

Life is short. I’ve stopped putting off until tomorrow what I need to take care of today. That’s what gets me through parties, vending machines, the grocery store, and the goodies in the kitchen cabinets. I don’t want to leave this thing undone. This is MY life and I am taking it back, one calorie at a time. I am keeping this promise to myself.